So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
