If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
