Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
