i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
