It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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