ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
