My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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