if you like me you must not know who I am
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
