you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
