she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
