In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
