If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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