mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
