I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
