just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
