census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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