You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
