sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Everyone says I win the strip club
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
