hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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