Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
