One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Enjoy the penises
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
