Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
