If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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