you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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