So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
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started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
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He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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