and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have fence marks all over my body
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
