Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
