If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
