Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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