dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
