You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
