I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
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I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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