I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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