If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
