i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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