That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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