sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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