Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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