i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
