Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
