Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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