She's JV to your varsity
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
