And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
