Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
