I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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