I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
