you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
