i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
