dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
