He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
