i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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