facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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