sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
