Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
