fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
