I accidentally burped into my bong.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
