WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
