Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
