thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
