Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
