just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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