my soul wont recognize me after tonight
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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