he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
