So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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