i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
