I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
